Hmmm.....

Its a bad weather....best to have an indoor activities. But me aint gonna coop up in the house again...So I've decided to catch a movie again or run errands. So while i was getting myself ready, I replied to Elly's sms...highlighting to her of my plans today. And our conversations continues with updates of our lives. Well it has been awhile since the last we met, it was the Batam trip (donkey years...hehehehe)
Well one of the topics was clubbing, i asked her how often does she clubbed nowadays especially its recession period. She claimed that she cut down alot on parties in the clubs, its a waste of money and she complained on how financially tight she get herself into..and the next pay day due in another 3 weeks time....Lets think bout the possibilities of how clubbing could lead you to "bankruptcy" but its not as terrible as what credit card can do to you though.
For ladies, there is no charge of entrance fee on certain nights. But all our money gone on drinks and cab fares (are really killing us). From my personal point of view, its just a short term of happiness. You didnt really got to see what you've spend at clubs cos its not a material to take notice of. The next moment you check your bank account balance you were shocked and hoping that a bunch of aliens invaded your bank account...each one of us is living in denial whenever we encounter such situations, and i have to admit that i am one of them. As i grew older, i channel my needs to other parts of my life...prolly shopping or holidays. Get a stable job, save money and spent it for holidays...explore the world.

" Do i really have a fren? "

The past few weeks or months, i felt like a loner. Hanging out with friends has lessen. At one point, i am alone most of the times and ask this myself " Do i really have a fren?"

ChiCha (Fisa)
She's working retail so hanging out with her is quite difficult due to the working hours. And going out with her is like a promo kind of thing. "Buy 1 GET 1 for FREE", she always with her World Peace BF. Hangouts or holidays her bf will always stick to her like a UHU Glue. And its such a pain in the ass cos she is my close fren...~sigh~ so that explains why i seldom hanging out with her.

Elly (Miss Pret-zel)
She works in one of the foreign bank in Spore. We have the same working hours. She is SINGLE but NOT ALWAYS AVAILABLE. Always busy party at DBL O and Batam trips. Kindly take note if ever make plans with her pls, pls, pls prepare a back up plans. Cos she is known as "Miss Pret-zel" or "Miss Paitau"... ~sigh~ so that explains why we gave her that nick.

Dim
She currently work in a bar. She's like Oreo biscuits ( kejap ada, kejap tk de). Her sleeping hours is so very irregular. Working hours clash with mine. Cant even meet up on weekends.. Very rare to meet up wif her. The most recent meet up, is actually to make up for the loss we never meet for 2 mths. ~sigh~ and that explains too huh..

Coliqs
Initially yes we are close like hanging outs or chilling session after work. But lately not anymore. I missed lots of activities. The karaoke sessions, the dinners, the chilling session at ECP, the career fairs, the window shopping...hmmm and many more la. That includes smoking break... i am alone. To make matter worst, MSN display pictures of them, and the taglines, and the talkings bout how much fun they had (eg. karaoke). At times, yes i did screw up the karaoke sessions due to i am not feeling well and inform them. And i assume they will postpone it to another day when i am feeling better (well basic iniative requires here). But they did not. And currently they are excited bout the trip they are going next week (to Genting) So you can imagine now that the taglines at msn flooded wif things related to Genting..Hmm whats next ehk? ~sigh~ well i am cool bout it, cos now i am adapting to it already... As for now....... i want to go for a smoke break alone...

:: RANDOM ::

Out from work at bout 7.45pm. Sourcing for events company for MH Exhibition.. By the way, thanks Elaine for your help in giving me your friends details to regards of events company. I was totally down...so i text him to let him noe dat i am heading home or maybe doing some soul searching. On my way back home, Dim msg me and we decided to meet up. Finally after 2 mths, we meet up. At first i could sense the awkwardness between us.. Not sure what to start with. But anyway we did talk over dinner, she was very hungry (as always). I did share to her what i really when thru during the months she went missing from my life.. and brief to her on what happen between me and Ren.

As we were busy doing all the catching up and stuff, my hp vibrates...its Ren's sms. He was so mad for not letting him know that i am going out with a fren - i apologise and admit my mistake. In between my conversation with Dim, there is alot of exchanging sms-es, return calls, argue with Ren. There is at one point i just couldnt control my tears and let it out....this time i felt he has gone too far. Dim actually type a very long msg for him and want me to send it to him the moment i arrived home. And i send the msg... and cried. Cos the contents in the msg is too harsh but at the same time i need him to respect me. I browse back all the pics i have with him..since day 1. I really missed those days....everything was so sweet and perfect.

He starts to be nice wif me when he realise i was crying terribly and at a difficult situation to breathe and coughing. That's when he realise that he was too much.. We talk and explain things for a better understanding. And i told him, " Dear you are not only a bf but a bestfren, shopping buddy, a listener to me. If i lose you.. i will lose all of them."

I will always remember the first day..was yesterday the last day??

Last night after work, Kak Sha dropped me at his place..and she actually waited for quite awhile fear that something bad will happened ( thanks kak Sha...). And we talk things out, i apologised for the mistakes that i have done.
And after all the ugly incident between us.. We've decided to make plans for another getaway. There is a few locacations on our mind like KL, Bangkok etc. Well i was pretty excited bout the whole getaway thingy. Thru out the nite, we are discussing bout the possible dates for the getaway and stuff. He send me back and i fell into a deep sleep.....

This morning, everything was perfectly fine. I felt that i am the happiest person in the world, i felt so much love. Upon my arrival at the office, we will call or text each other (its the normal routine). But after lunch, he start to text me -" I think i need some space at the moment, dont disturb me for this few day." After i read the msg, i was speechless for a few minutes. I start to questions myself, " What happen last night was a dream?", " Why are we back? When you need the space to be alone?", "What was he thinking?" and lots of other stuff.. ~deep breathe~
Is this what i get for all the sacrifices i make?

I abide to all the rules you set for me. I listen to you more than myself, I prioritise your needs more than mine. One after another you gave me ~sigh~

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed
Remember the first day we had an argumentwe apologized and then we compromised
and we've haven't argued since
Remember the first day we stopped playing games
Remember the first day you fell in love with me
it felt so good for you to say those words
cause I felt the same way too

All i want is to be appreciated...

On our 1st mth - i send email to him to wish him...and how Happy i was to be wif him. I thanked him for making me believe in love again.

On our 2nd mth - i Waited patiently for the clock to strike 12midnite just to sms him even so i noe he is asleep. The idea so that the message will a put a smile on his face first thing in the morning.

On our 3rd mth - i bought a chocolate wif his name engraved.. Knowing dat he is a chocolate Lover..

I will always remind YOU to clip ur nails, and I will trim ur eyebrows so that it will look neat.

I will always put YOU on my top priority. The moment i heard YOU are short of cash, i will get sufficient amount transfered to your account. With no questions ask or even ask you to pay it back- it never came across my mind.

When i am on a shopping spree, ur needs will always on my shopping list. It dont have to be a big thing, its the thought that matters.

I will always do anything... for you. ~ Tears welling up~ Just want you to know that flaws make each of us human. Hope you can find someone that will always make you happy in many many ways...

Happy Monthsary to YOU....

We meet up at bout 7pm... and head to Vivo. We bought a pair of movie tickets for Hotel for The Dogs...hmm the show starts at 9.30pm. And so we have decided to go for activity "sakit kan mata and hati" hehehe in short its window shoppping. We went in to the common shops like Zara, Esprit, Forever 21, River Island, Pull n Bear and Armani Exchange.. Actually we were just browsing. But he fall in love with a black jacket at Zara dat cost $299.... and i swear to god he look so cute when he put it on. And after all the activity "sakit kan mata and hati" we settle down for a dinner at Long John Silver. Then we smoke to pass the time..
Yeah its finally 9.30pm...the show starts. I love the show, the dogs are so cute and there is an emotional part that will always touch my heart. And after the show we still hang out n chat, that night i just felt that we have alot of talking to do, its like we have never met a donkey years...the fact is, we never met for only a day!!! And bout 12midnight, we headed for home by cab.

P/S: Dear thanks for everything. That's so sweet of u... i love u too much!!! **mmmuaacckkzz**

None of the rumours make me love you less...

Yesterday there was too many things on my mind and i wasnt my usual self. If i remember it correctly after lunch that i came to know bout this latest rumours bout HIM... And well its normal to be shock bout learning something that you werent told before especially from HIM. Well its all bout how you want to handle and face the problem. Initially i was very pissed and thot of severe all ties with him (well that will happen when you are very angry) to make matter worst the ONE who told me bout all this ask me this~ "What if everything i told you bout HIM is TRUE...what will you do?" And i replied, "Hmm you the facts right for me and i will let you know of what is my decision!" And to my surprise, that person actually said "Will let you know soon..."
And at that point i was like start to questioning myself and sourcing for nothing but the truth..." What if its TRUE......" only god knows how i felt at that point.
After deep thots, i decided to confront HIM but still i will keep the informer identity sealed. He told me the truth bout every single thing....and wat actually happen. Not that i trust every single words from HIM but his explanation does make sense. I was very lucky that i didnt jump into conclusions...
After all this things happen... i take it as a blessing in disguise.

Pls stop all this rumours bout HIM... Between YOU n HIM is HISTORY.. Pls accept the fact that I am his FUTURE and YOU are already HIS PAST, pls leave us the hell alone. Pick urself up and move on.. The moment YOU DUMPED him, you have already make a CHOICE so live with it. And i really hate the way you spread rumours bout HIM and only idiots and dumb-ass like you will believe such predictable stories from a SLUT like YOU!!!

P/S: You are talking about my MAN, you mess with my man its like you are messing with me...So pls grow up lil' girl, behave like a woman will.

Why do all this happening?? One after another, in life its a string full of problems.... its just the matter of how u handling it. Every single soul in this world have problems in their very own way..
I just dont seem to know, wat more do you want from me? I have tried my very best to be the best in ur life and it seems dat none of those sacrifices i make that satisfy you!!! I admit you are not the first one in my life, but i will try to be the last one. Or maybe, i was just living in denial all this while....hmmm......~sigh~ well maybe he is not that into me?
Right now, i was just flashing back the old good times. Looking back to where we first met, i cannot escape and i cannot forget..
But well things just dont go as planned. Its just like wasting mammoth of my time.... it all go wasted again. Just wanna wish ya all the best in everything you do...Take Care....

If I were a boy I think I could understand. How it feels to love a girl, I swear I’d be a better man. I’d listen to her. Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted. Cause he’s taken you for granted. And everything you had got destroyed......

Horrendous Short Getaway...

I really dont know where to start wif.....Lets talk bout the first short getaway wif my another half. From the start of the journey till the very end we always end up in a situation of pulling each others hair ( nah, it was a joke. Prolly we will do that if we both are girls) but the bickering thingy is soooo true. Hmm lucky it wasnt a Honeymoon if it is i will just leave him there on his own. Well he is just soo different from any other guys i dated.... one of the differences that i can never tolerate is his irritating-ness. And OMG...he is very irritating. Pls dont ask me to talk things out wif him, cos we have done dat too many times and there is no changes. Yes, i do admit that i am super farking ego... but i need him to admit his mistakes too not continue pointing fingers to me. There is not a single day that he will never irritates me.
We always bicker over small little things. I just don know how to communicate wif him anymore, whenever i said something he always got the wrong meaning...i am seriously sick and tired of all this. The more i open my mouth to talk, the bigger the arguement gets into...haizzzz.
And why you have to behave in such a manner? I still remember on the day we are going back to S'pore, i asking him a favour to carry my bag (the backpackers kind of bag, its full and heavy)... and to my surprise he declined my favour with no second thoughts. This is the first time i am wif someone who is so "gentlemen"... so i am left with no choice but to carry the heavy bag on my own. ~Deep breathe~ i really dont know what is happening to us.
And when we arrived Spore, he ate some snacks in the cab and i told him its not right to eat in the cab...and he still can answered me back by saying there is no sign of "NO EATING"... but its basic common sense though.
I just don know how far can we go if this whole thing continues.....i am really too tired for all this....

My emotions YOU may not be able to RELATE to......